prairie dogs

the problem with apathy is i've never felt it.

Cowards Bend The Knee

pop quiz, who said:

Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better.

this post brought to you by the letter A:

apathy

1603, "freedom from suffering," from Fr. apathie, from L. apathia, from Gk. apatheia "freedom from suffering, impassability," from apathes "without feeling," from a- "without" + pathos "emotion, feeling, suffering" (see pathos). Originally a positive quality; sense of "indolence of mind, indifference to what should excite" is from c.1733.

academy

1474, from L. academia, from Gk. Akademeia "grove of Akademos," a legendary Athenian of the Trojan War tales (his name apparently means "of a silent district"), whose estate, six stadia from Athens, was the enclosure where Plato taught his school. Sense broadened 16c. into any school or training place. Poetic form Academe first attested 1588 in sense of "academy;" 1849 with meaning "the world of universities and scholarship," from phrase the groves of Academe, translating Horace's silvas Academi; in this sense, Academia is recorded from 1956. Academic "relating to an academy" first recorded 1586; sense of "not leading to a decision" (like university debates or classroom legal exercises) is from 1886.

the things she carried

differ

c.1375, from O.Fr. diferer, from L. differre "to set apart, differ," from dis- "away from" ferre "carry" (see infer). Two senses that were present in L. have gone separate ways in Eng. since c.1500 with defer (transitive) and differ (intransitive).

in 30 minutes i imagine things will be different.

i have a headache, i have taken 4 ibuprofen, i expect to feel relief in one half of an hour. generally i feel a bit postcoital at the break of a headache. there is something simple and delicious about the end of pain to my brain. i am at work on a saturday in an airless and warm office, this might mitigate my sense of euphoria. if it was cooler outside i might lay down with a book in the grass and nap but there is too much light and heat today for the likes of me.

if i could be doing something differently right now, i would be:

• more comfortable in my skin so i could wear just it
• sitting inside of a barrel on the underside of a floating dock looking at the sun go down while the lake licks my back
• on a ferry ride, shyly sharing stories with a boy who is falling in love, starting the best of my life
• holding hands
• alone in a new city, living quietly this time
• climbing a tree
• feeling strong hands cup my head and thumb my neck
• playing tetherball
• talking to someone every day until time starts to pass and that saturday morning spent cradled in my father's arms watching cartoons feels like yesterday

life should not be a holding pattern, spent waiting for the pain to subside. i need some fresh air.

sense and sensibility

sense (n.)

c.1400, "faculty of perception," also "meaning or interpretation" (esp. of Holy Scripture), from O.Fr. sens, from L. sensus "perception, feeling, undertaking, meaning," from sentire "perceive, feel, know," prob. a fig. use of a lit. meaning "to find one's way," from PIE base *sent- "to go" (cf. O.H.G. sinnan "to go, travel, strive after, have in mind, perceive," Ger. Sinn "sense, mind," O.E. sið "way, journey," O.Ir. set, Welsh hynt "way"). Application to any one of the external or outward senses (touch, sight, hearing, etc.) first recorded 1526.

The verb meaning "to perceive by the senses" is recorded from 1598. Senses "mental faculties, sanity" is attested from 1568.

many of my friends will be turning 30 this year. i myself will turn 30 on my next birthday. presently, i have absolutely nothing i need to get done before then. there's plenty to be done but no pressure implied in hitting a three decade mark. i wonder why i have such little care but as i get older i have less need to care about anything i can't be bothered to care about, as there's already ever so much demanding my attentions and sympathies.

i have very little to say right now. i wish i could feel bold enough to just say it without this rather pointless exposition, i just get a little less willing sometimes to fall into pendantic mode since i know people stop listening. but i named this blog bluestockingism for a reason, so here goes...

if maturity brings anything and if i am to consider myself mature, i wish merely to ask the following: people, why ever do we say anything that we do not mean? is there any need? for if we realize ourselves having said something that perhaps we did not quite mean or we had not quite made up our minds about, how hard is it for us to slightly adjust our actions midstream to match those words we said?

that's all. you can wander into chicken and egg conversations with this, but either way you break it...to me, there's ample room for our actions to better match our words or vice versa. especially when lies can be such weapons of mass destruction against each other. words and meaning are ever so important to me. most of the time i like to think i am not alone.

irrepressible

1811, from in- "not" + repressible (see repress). First attested in "Sense and Sensibility."

sensible

c.1374, "perceptible to the senses," from L. sensibilis "having feeling, perceptible by the senses," from sensus, pp. of sentire "perceive, feel" (see sense). Meaning "aware, cognizant (of something)" is recorded from c.1412. Meaning "having good sense, reasonable" first recorded c.1530. Of clothes, shoes, etc., "practical rather than fashionable" it is attested from 1855. Sensibility "capacity for refined emotion" is from 1756.

reflections
alienation requires l i e.
changing courses midstream is not nearly as common as the phrase changing horses midstream.