signed "maladjusted in madison"

aren't we wisconites romantic...and a little deranged? yes.

Man Says He Got Idea to Kidnap Wife from Dr. Phil
PORT WASHINGTON, Wis. (AP) Aug 10, 2005 10:15am
-- A Wisconsin man says he wanted someone to kidnap his wife just to scare her, and he got the idea from watching Dr. Phil. His attorney says Ronald Schueller thought his estranged wife needed a scare "so she would see the error of her ways. "He's accused of trying to hire someone to knock his wife unconscious and lock her in the truck of a car. Authorities say it never happened because the man Schueller tried to hire was actually an undercover sheriff's deputy.

Investigators say Schueller came up with the idea after "Dr. Phil" said on his talk show that people sometimes need "a good scare" to snap them out of their delusions.

Schueller has been sentenced to six months in jail and ordered to undergo mental health counseling. He's also been told to have no contact with his wife, who filed for divorce last year.

Copyright 2005 Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.

what's sad is that i can for the most part sympathize with this guy. if i really wanted to get back together with my estranged wife and thought a non-violent ride in a trunk might woo her my way, i'd do it.

wait, no i wouldn't! i'd think about it but i would definitely not do it. i mean i've thought about being kidnapped ... ok i've never thought about being kidnapped (although i think my mother has because of that one horrible time she uttered the words "everyone has fantasies, some girls even fantasize about rape" la la la i cannot hear you) but i do sometimes think about getting non-fatally hit by an SUV --namely everytime i cross the intersection of wabash and huron -- and what that might do in terms of rekindling old flames. perhaps it's my female sensibility that has me considering scenarios where i am the victim, whereas i can't quite fathom thinking it appropriate for me to arrange to victimize someone else in order to get what i want.

i'm also a girl that wouldn't call someone who wasn't interested in me 5-20 subsequent times after he clearly told me he never ever wanted to date me. or send them a postcard two years later from a foreign country, especially if we only dated for a week. i understand the impetus, totally, but why would you have the nerve and the complete and utter lack of pride or perhaps i should say perception?

i clearly have no pride, i've sent in a request to appear on a TLC Show for crimety's sake. but even if i've dated someone for years, if i think my contacting them after we break up is going to make them think ill of me or personally upset, first i feel like vomitting and sobbing and then i do everything in my power to will my mouth shut as much as it breaks my heart to do so.

maybe i just need to hire someone with a very large trunk for a long weekend and move the fuck on. now i finally understand what closure means - it's a restraining order!

i'm just a mean green mother

guess what, it's not all sweet creamy goodness folks--plants are blog-worthy too, especially if they're large, phallic, and smell like rotting meat! it's been amazing week for wisconsin greenery, and next week might be even better...

By RYAN J. FOLEY, Associated Press Writer Thu Jun 2, 8:23 PM ET

MADISON, Wis. - Big Bucky's back.
The rare, big and extremely stinky flower that caused a sensation at the University of Wisconsin-Madison when it last bloomed in 2001 could become the world's largest flower when it blooms again next week.

The titan arum stood at 6 feet, 4 inches Thursday in a UW-Madison greenhouse, on pace to rival the world record for cultivated flowers when it blooms and releases its trademark roadkill scent in the coming days.

Botanists hope it will surpass the record of nearly 9 feet set by a titan arum in Germany two years ago.

The university is bracing for thousands of curious visitors hoping to catch a glimpse and even a whiff of the rock star of the botanical world, known as the "corpse flower," native to the rain forests of Sumatra, Indonesia.

On Thursday, computer technicians were figuring how to run a Web cam broadcasting the flower's progress, botanists were recruiting volunteers to staff the greenhouse for extended hours and the curious were getting an early sneak peak.

In 2001, Big Bucky's bloom drew some 20,000 visitors who waited in long lines to see the spectacle and caused the university's Web site to crash under an onslaught of visitors seeking live updates. Botanists were disappointed when the bloom fell just three inches short of the world record, which at the time had held since 1932.

"We didn't know how people were so into a stinky plant, a monster, a beast," said Mohammad Fayyaz, director of UW-Madison's Botany Garden and Greenhouses.

more at: http://www.news.wisc.edu/releases/11257.html

feed me seymour, feed me all night long!

in like a fool, out like a tool

i'm finding it really hard to compose this post when i know there are homemade oatmeal raisin cookies down the hall. i might not like the ice cream, no matter how hard todd bribes me with free massage sweepstakes information, but i do love those cookies.

but it's time to take a quick look back at the major news story of april -- no, not jonathan's birthday-- the great ms. wheelchair wisconsin debate.

Published: April 01, 2005 10:35 AM ET
APPLETON, Wis. (AP)
Ms. Wheelchair Wisconsin has been stripped of her title because pageant officials say she can stand -- and they point to a newspaper picture as proof. Janeal Lee, who has muscular dystrophy and uses a scooter, was snapped by The Post-Crescent of Appleton standing among her high-school math students.

"I've been made to feel as if I can't represent the disabled citizens of Wisconsin because I'm not disabled enough," Lee said Thursday. Lee, 30, of Appleton, had planned to go to the national pageant with her younger sister, who also has muscular dystrophy and won the competition in Minnesota.

Students at Kaukauna High School, where Lee teaches, raised $1,000 for her trip to the national pageant. The move by the state pageant officials, led by coordinator Gina Hackel, is supported by the national board.

Candidates for the crown have to "mostly be seen in the public using their wheelchairs or scooters," said Judy Hoit, Ms. Wheelchair America's treasurer. "Otherwise you've got women who are in their wheelchairs all the time and they get offended if they see someone standing up. We can't have title holders out there walking when they're seen in the public." Hackel said Lee should have been aware of the rules.

The crown now goes to first runner-up Michelle Kearney of Milwaukee, who will travel to New York.

after a month of media attention,

APPLETON, Wis. -- The Kaukauna teacher who had her Ms. Wheelchair Wisconsin title stripped away from her has a new honor -- Miss Disability International. Janeal Lee is the charter titleholder of a new competition the World Association of Persons With Disabilities is launching. A group official said the association is focusing on abilities.

hmm. anything i'd have to add to this conversation would probably make me feel a tool. for example, i'd like to point out that i was a little surprised by the lack of people-first language in the articles on this story, i.e. "people with disabilities" versus "disabled"...and nowadays i tend to just say "people with different abilities" because some of those different abilities--like being able to roll yourself around in a chair--have led to inventions and accomodations that have benefited all of us, like curb cutaways! see, i am a tool.

want to know if you're a tool too?! take the wisconsin media review quiz:

1. Wisconsin attracted national attention and became the butt of jokes because of a controversial proposal to legalize the shooting of these wild, free-roaming mammals, estimated at a million-plus statewide.

2. The University of Wisconsin held a daylong celebration for this 4.4 billion-year-old object. Under the watchful eyes of a police guard, spectators used a microscope to inspect the guest of honor, which measures less than two human hairs in diameter.

3. What have thieves been making off with in Portage and Waushara counties? Hint: They are sometimes used to make jewelry, watchbands and belts.

4. This Wisconsin Democrat, who has made a name for himself nationally and is often mentioned as a presidential candidate in 2008, announced his plans to divorce his wife of 14 years.

5. Judge Scott Woldt ordered an Appleton woman convicted of theft to make a heart-rending decision: Either spend 90 days in jail or donate this to the Make-A-Wish-Foundation as part of her overall two-year period of probation.

6. One was spotted near the Manitowoc-Sheboygan county line, one in Cedarburg and yet another was nabbed in Wauwatosa, miles away from their natural Wisconsin habitat.

7. Why did Janeal Lee, a 30-year-old Kaukauna high school teacher with muscular dystrophy, have her title as “ Ms. Wheelchair Wisconsin” taken away from her?

8. Wisconsin school districts took five of the top 10 spots in Expansion Management magazine’s 2005 rankings, “Best Metro Areas for Overall Quality of Public Schools.” The monthly magazine, which looked at 362 metropolitan areas, targets executives that are actively looking for a place to expand or relocate their companies. What district ranked second best in the nation behind State College, Pa.?

9. Why did “Late Night with David Letterman,” “Good Morning America” and at least 20 radio stations interview University of Wisconsin-Whitewater student Johnny Lechner in April?

10. After a 15-hour standoff at his home on French Island near La Crosse, a man who had shot his neighbor in the shoulder surrendered to police. What did they find in his freezer?

if you bothered to read upside down, YOU ARE A TOOL!

quandairy - we all scream

it seemed to me that everyone had ice cream on the brain today. three different coworkers left the office in search of it (granted, i work with middle-aged women so it's not that unusual), and then, bananners and i were sitting there after lunch contemplating our unsatisfied hunger and our conversation went a little like this:

bananners: i'm still hungry.
me: me too. i am kinda in the mood for ice cream.
bananners: ice cream good mmm...
me: good yeah mmm. there's that stone cold creamery place i suppose.
bananners (making face): it's not very good, it's overpriced.
me: yeah, i heard that.
bananners: yeah.
me: too bad that ben & jerry's on chicago closed. it closed, right?
bananners: yeah.
me: too bad.
bananners: it closed a long time ago.
me: too bad.

imagine my surprise when i returned to my desk to find the following email from todd the bod:

Date: Tue, 19 Apr 2005 11:55:03 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: Scream
To: "gwendolyn p."

> If ya didn't know, today is free scoop day at Ben and
> Jerry's.
>
> I recommend Oatmeal Cookie. I know what you're
> thinking: "I don't really like oatmeal cookies. And
> 'cinnamon ice cream' doesnt sound that good." Well
> stop listening to your brain and start listening to
> ME. Get it.
>
> todd
>
> --
> GET OFF THE INTERNET!

todd does not tell a lie (though he'll obnoxiously correct your spelling of the word "quandary" at the drop of a hat)--april 19th is free scoops day 2005, the 27th annual free cone day to be exact. did you notice how he mentioned the brain and ice cream?

his essay alludes to the clearly misguided notion that the consumption of ice cream, and one might presume that misconception encompasses all dairy products, is somehow in conflict with the exercising of intellectual powers. we must work to overcome these assumptions, as time and time again a direct link between a diet high in dairy and superior intelligence has clearly been demonstrated, or has it...

We didn't find any Web pages matching the following criteria:

• Containing this query term: "dairy and intelligence"
  

Suggestions:- Check your spelling.
- Try more general words.
- Try different words that mean the same thing.
- Broaden your search by using fewer words.

but i digress, the point of today's post is that everyone was thinking about ice cream, and while some people might note that it was the first warm day in awhile, i've got my own theories. and sadly yesterday the owner of the first dairy queen in wisconsin passed away.

APPLETON — Merlin Liebzeit of Appleton, the owner of the first Dairy Queen in Wisconsin, died Monday. He was 84.

He opened the state’s first Dairy Queen June 4, 1950, at 2000 S. Oneida St. in Appleton. Liebzeit’s second Dairy Queen, on N. Richmond Street, opened Aug. 29, 1953. Nationally, the first Dairy Queen opened in Joliet, Ill., in 1940. Liebzeit is survived by his wife, Erna, two sons and two daughters. His son Steven continues to run the Dairy Queens in Appleton.

merlin! how magical and how tragic, but i think a little bit of his passion was released into the ether and perhaps we're all a little bit sweeter today for it. may he rest in peace, and i'll be pouring out a melted quart for him tonight.

i can only take heart that we have the next generation to look to as beacons of light in these seemingly dark times. the torch will burn bright.

the cat takes the cheese

dear readers, you do know that it's actually the rat that takes the cheese (after the farmer takes a wife, the wife takes a child, the child a nurse, the nurse a cow, the cow a dog, the dog a cat and so on and so forth until the cheese stands alone, seriously check it out on am i right - misheard lyrics, and that's derry-o, not a dairy-o)? well, a similar game of telephone has been playing out in the media this week.

everyone is up in arms about how wisconsinites want to shoot cats. while i'll not begrudge the animal activists using this as a springboard to raise awareness on the issues, can we please take a moment to remember what the news (as opposed to the numerous op/ed pieces it spawned) story actually says. notably:

Outdoor enthusiasts approved the proposal 6,830 to 5,201 at Monday's spring hearings of the Wisconsin Conservation Congress, a citizens' advisory group. The results, released Tuesday by the state, get forwarded to the Natural Resources Board for its consideration. Ultimately, though, any measure would have to be passed by the Legislature and signed by Gov. Jim Doyle.

Two state senators -- Scott Fitzgerald and Neil Kedzie -- are promising they'll do everything they can to keep the plan from becoming law. Kedzie, who chairs the Natural Resources and Transportation Committee, called the issue "a distraction from the main tasks we have at hand."

"I don't see a whole lot of momentum for it," Kedzie said. "It's not the responsibility of the DNR to regulate cats." Fitzgerald, co-chairman of the Legislature's powerful Joint Finance Committee, said he will "work against any proposed legislation to legalize the shooting of feral cats."

At least two other upper Midwestern states, South Dakota and Minnesota, allow wild cats to be shot -- and have for decades.

futilely, the original AP release even included a quote by Gov. Jim Doyle:

"I don't think Wisconsin should become known as a state where we shoot cats," said Doyle, a Democrat who neither hunts nor owns a cat. "What it does is sort of hold us up as a state that everybody is kind of laughing at right now."

thanks to Mikey Ivey for reporting on the coverage of this story in the national media, and to Tom Still for his efforts. even if he isn't a famous art director and set designer, i appreciate his attempts to set the stage:

Tom Still, president of the Wisconsin Technology Council, recently bemoaned the state's national reputation for weirdness.

"Once again, Wisconsin is being portrayed in the national news as the Land of the Odd," he said, bringing up recent stories about the mass killings in a Brookfield motel doubling as a church and the confused kangaroo found huddling in a dairy barn in the dead of winter.

Still said he dreams of the day when the national press will focus on the state's SAT scores, its recent job creation success or the beauty of the Wisconsin outdoors - rather than "the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field" and over-served Packer fans sporting plastic cheeseheads.

amen. now for something really juicy! be sure to check out the video footage.

humble beginnings

i'm jumping on the blog bandwagon rather late in the day, but i've been debating about what motivates me enough to contemplate it, let alone write about it, each and every day. i could write about my love life, but even i have trouble keeping track of it. and i want my blog to be useful, but i don't know enough about any one thing to think that i should be writing a somewhat definitive dialogue on the subject.

then it hit me. what happens on a fairly frequent basis, an activity that's both personal and public, *and* often educational? someone sends me news of wisconsin. as mind-boggling as it is, it appears in many people's minds

i am synonymous with cheese and beer.

thus begins a blog cataloging the daily (or at least weekly) instances of national news focusing my homeland.

before we begin, let's get all our facts in order. i did not grow up on a farm. i was born in appleton, wisconsin--a city of over 70,000 people and the site of the first hydro-electric plant in the country. appleton is a thriving metropolis, and was the childhood home of harry houdini and the birthplace of actor willem dafoe. senator joseph mccarthy was born nearby and is buried in appleton. appleton also had the first telephone in all wisconsin and the first incandescent light in any city beyond the east coast.

we moved to oshkosh when i was three and i spent my golden years there. many people think of overalls when they think of oshkosh, this is wrong because those b'gosh bastards moved operations out of oshkosh and overseas when i was in high school.

instead, when you think of oshkosh you should think of me, and the experimental aircraft association's annual fly-in. one year, also in high school, i sold fried chicken at EAA. during EAA, oshkosh's podunk airport becomes the busiest airfield in the world, woohoo! wikipedia has a nifty entry on EAA, they say that regular attendees affectionately call the fly-in "Oshkosh" much to the chagrin of AirVenture, who i guess runs it now and who brilliantly renamed it in 1998 to "AirVenture Oshkosh". that's all bullshit, we locals call it EAA and it will always be EAA and it will always piss anyone living in oshkosh off, because you can only see the concorde and stealth bombers so many times and those sonic booms and throngs of outsiders get mighty annoying. but let's focus on the good things, like the truly tasty fried chicken and the joys of friendship --

"For many attendees, an equally important aspect of the Fly-in is the opportunity to socialize with other aviation enthusiasts. Lots of people meet up each year with Oshkosh friends who they only see at the Fly-in. For many years these Oshkosh friends had no contact during the rest of the year, but recently many of them have begun to stay in touch throughout the year via email."

by gosh, let's be oshkosh friends!

other highlights of my hometown and my memories thereof would be: it's not diverse; the grand opera house is rumored to be haunted and stands as an equally terrifying reminder of my middle-school stint in community musicals and that one time i slept outside waiting for NKOTB tickets; the lincoln douglas debates of 1858 did not take place in oshkosh (although one did occur in galesburg, home of my alma mater knox college) but i am sure that the election of 1860 was on the tip of everyone's tongue in the osh' that year; and in 1985 ronald reagan stopped by to say hi. i remember feeling deeply ashamed at the time that we were giving the president of the united states a bandana but you'll remember i was only 8 and that's before the age of reason. nowadays, i say hell yeah make 'em pay for their custard. for the record, i served custard at leon's when i was fifteen, and i wore a poodle skirt. the oshkosh leon's is only two years younger than the milwaukee leon's which inspired the drive-in featured in happy days.

yes, wisconsin might be the birthplace of the republican party and the ice cream sundae, but we're not just sitting here with custard on our face, folks. wisconsin is cutting edge, and it is anyone's guess as to on which side of any given issue her people will end up. such is the drama and excitement of sprouting, like athena from the head of zeus, from a true swing state and the 5th smartest state in the damn union. and that's what this little blog will set out to remind you of.

"In its simplest form, Occam's Razor states that one should make no more assumptions than needed."

when it comes to my dear birth state, make no assumptions.

wisconsin, "the occam's razor state"!

she doesn't really produce more dairy than california any more, just cheese and nice leftie cows like me...

चिनेसे बंद नामस

English translation: Bird Ate My Donut would be a really interesting band name.