bird is the word

you could call me a bird brain today and i wouldn't complain.

lately the world's been moving far too fast and there's been flutterings in my mind. i'm trying to pull all these thoughts together and lock them up (also it's scary disclosure week on bluestockingism--even though i lack a graphic for it--and so i must try to record everything i think in order to have enough subject matter to keep you fulfilled, and scared..it's driving me batty). turns out i am not one bird short of a flock, just because there are so many bats in my belfry. pretty bird wants a cracker.

Exhibit A
thanks to gmail and its convenient search feature, i can tell you all instances of the word "bird" in my emails of late!

• Oct. 14 [email from "Scenery"] tells me he has seen three dead birds while walking, thinks of me.
• Oct. 13 [series of emails with "YA Fiction"] kills multiple birds with a couple of stones: "happiness won't leave me alone says the bird in his nest"(silver jews lyric); tri-multaneous reference to the golden goose of willy wonk, wild goose chases and snipe hunts; discussion of the andrew bird song; reference to my currently listening to bluebird by ELO.
• Sep. 30 [email entitled "non sequiter" sent to camping trip companions] shares an article on the most challenged books of 2004 to celebrate banned books week, and references no. 9 --""I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings" by Maya Angelou, challenged for racism, homosexuality, sexual content, offensive language and unsuited to age group"
• Sep. 8 [Scenery emails] discussing a decoy case he's reading in law school about some birds and questions whether birds can smell, to which i respond with "For years ornithologists thought that birds had little or no sense of smell. The matter is still not settled, but modern data indicates that all birds have and use their sense of smell. Recent studies have proven that even finches and sparrows* have a sense of smell not unlike that of rats and mice. Experiments with Mallards have shown that when the female is ready tomate it releases pheromones in the oils that it uses to clean its feathers. Male Mallards become sexually active when they smell odor. When the male sense of smell is impaired, sexual responses are severely reduced." i didn't cite my source in the email or i would have saved us both a lot of time and space just now.
• Jul. 15 [email "special k" entitled "it was all yellow"] to share with him the definition of giallo as we begin our giallo film festival on my couch. heir to the giallo crown is Dario Argento whose most straightforward giallo films include 'The Bird With the Crystal Plumage', 'Deep Red', 'The Cat o' Nine Tails', 'Tenebre', and 'Opera'. incidentally, special k is starting a new band now called Bird Ate My Doughnut.
• May 3 ["Friendly Fire" emails] i tell him how much i love the andrew bird song (which he has placed on the first mix tape he makes for me), i also note in this email that a friend (can't remember which friend, but i bet it's todd) has invited me to see andrew bird but i have missed it. friendly fire tells me bird's coming to columbus. i tell him that strangely enough the consumption of eggs has been on my mind and share a half-hatched theory on how pro-lifers should not eat eggs for breakfast. let's move onto exhibit b now...

Exhibit B
did you read the post from sweetest day? cuz you know you only have to scroll down. in this post you will notice i subversily linked to the wiki on the selfish gene by dawkins. if you know me you very well might know how much i hate that book, so much so i burned it after reading it in college. according to the wiki, "A crude analogy [to the concept of the selfish gene] can be found in the old joke -- A chicken is just an egg's way of making more eggs." i consider this statement to be incubating my half-hatched theory from exhibit a. meanwhile, back in the post from two days ago, i decided to name my mix "birds walks in circles", which of course meant i had to google the phrase. here's what i found:

"Gotta Fly," the Woodcock Says
A friend recently told me that woodcocks never call while flying. The birds nest near my home every year, and I can hear their calls from my yard coming from different directions. It sure sounds like the calling is done in the air. -- Diane Miller, Romeo, Michigan

American Woodcocks have an interesting vocal array, which includes a peenting sound that is made only by males. They deliver the call from the ground prior to launching into the air to commence a courtship flight display. The birds walk in circles while they do it, changing the direction and intensity of the calls, perhaps making it sound as if they are peenting in the air, especially if the sound bounces off an object near the ground. The peenting sound made by woodcocks is also extremely similar to the sound made by Common Nighthawks, which vocalize in the air. If woodcocks were displaying at the same time nighthawks were flying, it could easily create confusion.

Exhibit C
my friend "Allstar" tells me this morning that she's found a bird in her apartment and that before leaving for work she's tried in vain to get the bird out. she ends up having to leave with the bird still in residence, the poor thing is actually tuckered out and napping, and a couple of windows open. i reveal to Allstar a childhood secret - i am a bird wrangler and have mastered the fine art of removing unwanted winged creatures from homes (it's a simple matter of a tennis raquet and a bucket). if you want to know how this story ends you'll need to keep reading all this week.

*Young Pilgrims Lyrics
by The Shins
A cold and wet November dawn
And there are no barking sparrows
Just emptiness to dwell upon.